For those few who heard me declare my vacation would be a time for amazing data mining, suffice to say it was an anti-vacation and has left me disgruntled at best.
On this otherwise sucky Monday, a big thanks go out to Ryan Adams and Thomas LaRock for inspiring me to write this (Hint: only one of these lists is supposed to be funny)
10 Paul Randall can forgive me in person for my forbidden CHECKDB bug
09 Comparing SQLOS and "freedom pats" with a punch line of 17883 is funny
08 One more inner child will not grow up to have an MCM cert without your donation
07 It will be Very Model of a Modern Engine-Seminar
06 Trash talk: "Yo' database is so ugly that yo' identity insert on index 0 is fragmented!"
05 Each session will begin with the theme song D-B-C-C sung in the right key
04 This contest is the most efficient cost-based optimization since SQL Express
03 This class will help cure depression and other serious problems with isolation levels
02 My sliding window got my partitions out of alignment and now I can't get up
01 Prizes will be given for the largest log to database file size ratio
10 Just because SSIS is pretty and counts fast doesn't mean ELT is a typo or slower
09 Behind every great cube is a great data warehouse and integration layer
08 Near-real time reporting can't happen without a finely tuned database
07 SSRS + SSIS - SSAS = BI
06 Care and feeding of large cubes requires understanding advanced table design
05 The majority of all problems with cube processing are relational engine design
04 Every star schema benefits from index and statistics management
03 When you experience corrupt or suspect data sources, you will know what to do
02 This class is priceless for optimizing OLTP and OLAP queries in the same database
01 Could I add PA to Management Data Warehouse as my token of gratitude?
Worth a try